Modern Masculinity: Adrian (30) AMERICAN
Illustration : QUS / @qusarts
As featured in Verity Journal No.2 as part of a panel of interviews with French and International young men.
What does it mean for you to be a Man?
To know who you are, what you are willing to stand up for, and standing up for it regardless of the consequences.
How do you know you are in love?
Depends on the levels of love, starting with the tingly feelings when seeing your lover, to visceral pain when you don’t see her, to wanting her happiness over yours. Every love story I’ve had has been unique, since us humans are so complex. So the relationships and levels of love will invariably vary. A good sense of knowing you’re in love would be when you don’t feel comfortable going to sleep without knowing your lover is well.
The first time another man hurt you, either physically or emotionally. What happened?
When I was around six or seven my dad brought me a basketball back from the states to France. I really liked the ball even though I liked soccer better. Anyways, I brought it to school one day and this little shit in my grade saw me dribbling, grabbed the ball and instantly kicked it into the train tracks. I started throwing punches when his mom, a teacher, came right out and scolded me. Went home that night and cried to my dad because a little punk punted his present onto the tracks. Felt like an idiot for not protecting his present.
Who do you believe is responsible for your social conditioning and belief systems, relationship to freedom ? your parents, the US government, your school, literature, Hollywood?
I guess a bit of both, nature and nurture. My parents definitely raised me with lots of religion, philosophy and love. Also a lot of examples to both follow and disregard. I’m lucky to have made the separation early on. Culturally, I feel a tad more gringo. I moved to the states at ten; so my formative years were more American in terms of music, movies, dress etc. Fortunately, I feel like my parents instilled in me enough sense of self confidence to pick and choose what I care to adhere to. In terms of politics, I’m grateful to feel more human than partial to any particular passport.
What is the definition of femininity for you ?
Grace under pressure, sensuality, strength, nurture, independence, attention to detail, beauty in all shape and size through confidence, harmony, kindness…
What is the definition of masculinity?
Virility, looking out for the weak, standing up for your convictions, striving for virtue…
What empassions you?
Food, music, friends, family, good times, beauty, deep conversations, nature, women, travel, justice.
What according to you is the biggest challenge we face as humans in the coming years?
Keeping a good dose of critical thinking and independent thought. Judging scenarios rationally. Keeping our heads cool amidst so much disarray. Understanding we are all humans striving for happiness. Thinking globally and acting locally. Caring for each other and our environment. Holding our governments responsible for all the bombs they are tossing about and keeping the lobbies in check.
Who do you admire and why?
Socrates, Jesus, Bob Marley, Gandhi and every other prophet of truth and love who cares more about transcendence than particulars and is willing to put their lives on the line for it.
When you make a mistake what is your first reaction? Do you lie about it or do you tell the truth as soon as possible?
Lying is a mistake in itself and will only accentuate your original mistake. I guess a bloated ego is the original mistake anyways.
Do you believe yourself to be weak when faced with your sexual needs and desires?
I’ve been meaning to make love instead of fucking. Sometimes I slip. I can always do better.
What is feminism for you?
I haven’t studied it at all. I’ve been rather turned off by the little I’ve seen though. The kind from the sixties with a raging attitude over panties and razor blades. I love women, respect them tremendously and obviously believe they are equal in an existential sense, as in worth as much as men and deserve the same, and called for full actualization of their potential. In terms of pure and hard equality though? I love the differences and thank God we are different as their nature is incredible.
Have you ever been in a situation where you could identify yourself as being misogynistic? what happened?
Some might think my answer to the last is misogynistic but other than that… ha no. I can’t think of a time I’ve been rude to women because they are women.
What is your ideal partner in love?
Beautiful on the inside and out, caring, striving for goodness, compassionate, independent, strong natured, curious, fun and easy going.
Define freedom?
A philosophy teacher of mine once made the distinction between freedom from and freedom for. That stuck with me. Freedom for something, as in the ability to fully chose something with all your intellect and volition is much more powerful than this idea of freedom from this or that. Freedom from is a more modern understanding as in your right to do whatever you want. Free from restriction. Freedom for, as in the ability and conviction to choose with certainty what it is you want to think and do is something that restrictions wouldn’t apply to.
Do you believe in fidelity in a romantic relationship?
Absolutely, If you think of love as in agape, as in you want your partner’s happiness over yours, you wouldn’t want to fuck around with their emotions. Which infidelity, no matter how sure you are of your emotional control, will tamper.
If you had 30 minutes to speak with your president what would you say to him?
Grow up, drain the swamp, clean your soul, and pull out of wars.
What is your biggest fear and your biggest dream?
Not realizing my potential, actualizing my potential.
Can you explain your perception of human existence? and its context within the universe?
We’re here for a short time, trying to make sense of where we came from and where we are going to. I believe every being is called for it’s proper end. Teleological. Acorn to an oak tree, human to happiness. How we come to define happiness is something people have been grappling with since before cavemen were drawing on walls. I believe in God, some form of a creative genius who is Good. Whether He takes part in our world or not is something I’ve been struggling with for a while now. But there are enough proofs for me, between the transcendentals of love and justice to the particulars of math and symmetry in ferns to seashells, that I believe in a creative genius. Who cares enough to infuse this world with beauty, and more than that; with our free will to chose good or evil. Up to us to make sense of things and choose the good. And pass the good forward.
Why do you think people reject faith?
Some people were never given the opportunity or education to have faith in the first place. Some have and don’t keep it. I was brought up very Catholic. And I have a hard time with the sacraments or believing that Jesus really is God and the only son of God. I do believe his teachings are the best conduits to God. Going beyond pure justice and into love and forgiving. I guess people reject faith for a number of reasons, selfishly as it puts a hell of a lot more responsibility in your life to chose the good always; for rational reasons, or because someone people can’t accept so much evil in the world… I don’t know, people have a lot of diverse types and degrees of faith. I’m in Colombia right now where I’ve seen people go see whores literally right next door to church and then go to mass. I have faith in God, Providence and the good will of people. I like Camus’ existential humanism. Basically, we’re here and can never really be a hundred percent certain of what is there beyond the here and now. What we can be sure of though, is that being good to one another and being grateful for what we have and who we are is crucial for a good and fulfilling existence. In a nutshell, I believe in order and not chaos.