How to survive the rumours: The truth about the C virus

There’s a lot of rumours going around and to reassure you, you might like to read our survival guide to interpreting modern media and the C word.

 

Written by Team Verity the 5th of March 2020

Illustration by Julie Jup

 

 

Who is Coronavirus? Well Coronavirus is actually a character from the Belgian comic book “Asterix”.

 

Why the funny numbers at the end? It helps the medical world differentiate it from the world of fiction.

 

Where did it come from? There are several hypothesis running around, these are the least scary ones: Some people say it was born in a French research laboratory that happened to be positioned next to the market in Wuhan, a mere accident brought it to the little animals who were carrying it. Others say it is a military virus that was set out on to the world to wreak general havoc, and allow governments to control the world and oblige us to all to stay at home and have vaccinations that contain mini computer chips so we can be tabbed and surveyed forever, alternatively it has been alluded that climate change, pollution and the general destruction of our precious eco-system is revealing new little viruses to curb over-population. Mother Earth’s way of saying….« OK I told you if you didn’t stop over-populating, producing plastic, digging up oil and dumping nuclear waste in my seas I would be forced to give you all a massive wake up call”.  But none of this compares to the depressing report that the virus is a result of the consequences that 5G and 5G satellites have on our brains and respiratory systems. You’ve been warned. BTW if you know why we need 5G please write to us at Verity.

 

How do you know you have it? A sore throat that lasts several days followed by a dry cough, no runny nose, difficulty breathing, and a very high fever.

 

Can it kill you? Yes, though the chances are slim, you’re taking more of a risk  drinking a bottle of vodka on a Friday night, taking too much cocaine, smoking cigarettes, crossing the road, getting in an airplane or sitting on a bench minding your own business when some mad person comes along armed with a weapon. Alas, we are not immortal as previous thought. Although the good news is, our soul can come back to Earth in a different body and at a different time. And you even get to choose.

 

How can I protect myself and others? Well lathering yourself in anti-bacterial gel is unfortunately not the solution, although it might be quite sexy. Washing hands with soap and water, under the nails and in-between your fingers regularly specially after being outside, generally, not shaking hands or snogging the face off someone when you have a cough or you sneeze, and drinking loads of water, eating balanced, gargling with water and salt, immigrating somewhere hotter than 27 degrees Celsius, or taking a sauna. Stock your fridge for two weeks in case of confinement.

 

Where does the virus live? On metal surfaces, on clothes on paper money, on animals, on people.

 

How do I kill the virus? They say the virus doesn’t like heat, so a hairdryer in your face might be a good idea if you fear you have it. But on a more serious note, if it’s not hospital worthy,  you let it live in your body a bit, stay in bed, watch Netflix, then when it’s bored the virus will leave. Doctors in France and Canada have said the drug for Malaria is a possible cure for the serious cases.

 

Is there a vaccin? Lots of people are working on one in Oxford, England. And other places we presume, but if the virus disappears with the coming of Spring, hopefully it will not need to be used.

 

Is it the most dangerous epidemic that ever existed on planet earth? No.

 

And finally is the world economy going to crash because of the coronavirus and will my life change forever including the ability to travel, access fast food, fast clothes, and social media? Let’s face it the Coronavirus and the reaction to it just illustrates in an alarmingly tragic way how dependent we are on modern convenience (access to healthy food, hot water, medicine, electricity), how we have lost all sense of autonomy and how the capitalist system creates an illusion of freedom that only favours the extremely rich, while they control and manipulate the public into buying, buying and buying products  no-one needs, thus destroying the planet with over-production, waste and pollution, while the corporate bull dogs and politicians build their bunker homes in places like Sweden and New Zealand and sell their souls for one way tickets to Mars while the rest of us watch Australia burn, and the Antarctic melt. But it’s not all bad. Because with chaos comes new beginnings. The economy was going to crash anyway. The seas were going to over-flow anyway. The coronavirus is but an innocent bystander in the human made mess we have already made.

 

 

Our advice:

 

Stop reading the news

Invest in a bicycle

Buy some candles

Wash your hands regularly

Stop eating refined sugar

Take your shoes off when you come home

Only eat organic food

Stop eating meat

Grow your own vegetables and when we say vegetables, we mean real ones and not the genetically modified grains ones they try and sell you in general supermarkets.

Find your own water source and learn how to filter sea water

Save the bees

Learn the medicinal properties of tress, plants and flowers

Be positive, practice yoga and meditation and remove hate from your body, Anger, stress and fear makes you sick. Or so we have heard.

Be grateful for being on this beautiful miracle of a planet.

 

Love. Love, and Love

 

Be yourself.

 

Be brave. Be Kind.

 

Tell the truth even if it hurts.

 

🙂